Don't Reinvent Yourself

Happy Holidays everyone! I feel like Thanksgiving came and hit us hard in the face. Leaving a lot of us feeling bloated from the carbs and a bit overwhelmed haha. 

This is my second December in Manhattan. But the first to be living alone. While my husband (UHUH YOU READ THAT RIGHT I KNOW AHHHH) is away in Germany touring, I'm here in the eye of the Christmas storm.  People everywhere, scrambling to get last minute presents. Ordering more shit on Amazon than they actually need. Giving away time, money and energy that to be honest, no one really has.  It's too hectic. I'm excited about this next chapter. I'm excited to spend Christmas with some of the Saigon cast. I'm excited (but very heartbroken) for Saigon to come to an end. It lets me close the amazing chapter with nothing but thankfulness and good memories. And also leaves the door wide open for future opportunities. I love Christmas. It's one of my favourite times of the year. This is my first minimalist Christmas. I'm not doing presents. I don't have the change to see family.  I have a tiny tree and the same decorations since 2014. It's simple. It's beautiful. I know it'll be different than Christmases past, but that's what's so exciting.  

But....when it comes to the New Year...I have an issue with it.

"In 2018 I'm going to __________."

Yeah, I've said it too and made my fair share of stupid resolutions that didn't make it past January 7th. But you know why?? BECAUSE THEY WERE RIDICULOUS. 

If I've learned anything these past few years it's seizing the moment we have in front of us and creating a healthy living environment. And I don't mean your home. Even though, I'm a huge interior design nerd. I mean in your head. I mean in your body.  Why are we desperate to reinvent yourself? Just think about all of the ridiculous goals we set ourselves. If I had a dollar for every time I told myself 'by ___ I wanna lose fifteen pounds', I'd have probably $130.  I once overheard a girl telling her friend that for 2018 she wanted to judge people less HAHAHAHA. What I wanted to scream in her face was "GIRL START NOW!"

We always have lessons to be learned. If we're constantly waiting for change, how are you ever going to be pleased with your present? What a terrible life to live. Always dissatisfied. What a huge waste of time. We have so much more power to grab those precious moments and run with them. To splash color on them. To document them and learn from them. After everything I've been through, I don't ever want to re-invent myself. I am who I am. I've always known that deep down. And so do you. You don't really want to change who you are and what you like/dislike. You don't really want to change what you look like. You only want these things because you THINK that's what everyone else wants from you. Don't give in to that. If you were to teleport into the head of the perfect girl you saw walking out of Bergdorf Goodman's, you'd still see the same insecurities. You'd still see the same desire to please the public eye. Knowing this and accepting this is a strong weapon. Use it. 

We are always set to feel ashamed of being original and being ourselves. We live in a world where a glossy paged magazine tells us how to look and what to wear. And deep down we feel the fight to remain connected to our unique selves.

Being a 'leading lady' comes with massive responsibility. But when you break it down, I'm not changing to become this. I'm not having to be someone different to be a 'leading lady'.  I'm just being myself. Unapologetically myself. And people who can't get on board with that, are just not worth my time. My time is too precious to fit and mold myself to be anything other than well...myself.  (If anything that should be your new goal; getting rid of toxic people like that) I'm not giving you shit for being tempted to change. I'm saying you don't need to. The grass actually isn't greener on the other side. Take care of your own damn grass. 

So, when you're downing your eighth glass of champagne (or to my minors, sparkling cider) and watching that ball drop, remember you're celebrating a year of incredible memories. But thank life for the shit ones too. Thank life for the amazing ones. Thank life for the constant education and the people you met. A day is a lot of time. It may not seem it in this busy busy time of the year. But humans love to create excuses. Remember you're celebrating a fresh new page of a new chapter in your memoir. It's incredible. And it's unapologetically original.