The rain today in Manhattan for me, is overdue.  I was caught in the thick of it coming from soul cycle as I made my way back home.  It gives me a cleansing feeling. I'm hyper-creative under a wet grey sky.  My head seems to come from out of my own ass and back straight atop of my shoulders.  Yes, you read that correctly. MY OWN ASS.

The Tony’s were incredible! It’s hard to describe. It was such an eventful evening. I find myself remembering the least impressive moments to be burned on my brain; shoving cake pops in my mouth at the Plaza with my boy, getting my makeup done before the performance and the utter happiness of seeing friends scattered about the night.  

Well, understandably you may ask….now what? Truthfully, I don’t know.  And guess what? That’s okay.  Why is it that the unknown is so terrifying? Why is it that when someone doesn’t go ‘by the book’ it’s already doomed? It’s already off course.  Already a failure.  It’s simply not true.  The brilliance of humanity is that we seem to find happiness and stability despite whatever path we choose.  No matter where we live, what we do, who we love and how we prepare for the future.  With the word, ‘stability' I don’t mean financially.  I don’t mean relationally.  I mean finding your own unique balance throughout your life.  

Think of a dancer.  Without strengthening their core, a dancer cannot perform to their full abilities or extensions.  They can raise their arms and kick their legs all they want…but to do so with strength and grace it couldn’t be possible without a solid core.  In my life I see my core as a number of things; my heart, my instinct, my brain, my psychological and my physical health.  When life throws shit my way the reaction I have has the power to either grow me or pull me back. And I’ll easily admit…I’m not the best at reacting.  I’ve gotten better.  When I saw the pictures from the Tony’s I could’ve easily sank into my dark place and brood about the fat spilling from my armpits and my crooked teeth showing from my ‘bad side’.  But.  I breathed. I had my small moment of looking at the picture.  Closing my eyes and telling myself, “YOU ARE MORE THAN THIS.”  And it worked.

It’s taken me years to learn how to do.  I’m not master at it.  But it freaking worked.  I didn’t want to spoil those amazing memories with the worry of not looking how I should’ve.  And to what standard was I holding myself? A Victoria’s Secret Model?? (shut up you know you love them too) Well, yes. There’s no such thing as truly believing your beautiful only IF you look like someone else. IF I’m the same dress size as so-and-so then I’ll be beautiful.  It’s fake. False. Wrong. 


Let that be the repeated phrase of this blog.  I see you all on instagram and twitter.  We make up the hundreds of thousands of followers that the Jenners have.  That Chrissy Teigen and the endless 'fitspiration' models have.  Following them isn't the problem.  It’s using them as a standard.  Using celebrities as your bar of beauty and bar of acceptance? How is that fair to you? To be honest…it has nothing to do with you. The celebrities’ job requires them to be beautiful and current.  Sometimes to maintain their social status no matter what they have to compensate;  nose job + (any facial surgery) = success. Or maybe social media in general is all too much? Fine. Great. Delete it all and give yourself a break. You deserve it.  You have the blessed choice to love yourself as you are.  With no one else in the picture.  With no one else to compare yourself too. In fact, how wonderful would it be to look at an old picture of yourself and see it with love and say, ‘Wow. Look how far we’ve come.’

Again, you have no idea how shocked I was (and still am) at the amount of emails you guys are sending me and how they are full of vulnerability and honesty! I am so proud of you all! Really. I may not know you, but I love you very much.  Without you guys I would not be where I am today.  And I hope we can continue to walk this together. I never want you to feel scared to approach me or talk to me.  It’s an honor to be where I am today. 

In the meantime, I wish everyone an amazing weekend. If I can challenge you with anything it's filtering your social media. Seriously.  Celebrities that have nothing but a negative affect on you NEED TO GO. Buh-bye. Unfollow.  Not sure if it’s a negative page? If you scroll through the pictures telling yourself you'll never be that beautiful and because you don't mirror him/her you're already a failure then CLICK UNFOLLOW.  Also for those of you with an amazon account check out Audible. You can sign up for free as a trial and then pay a sensible monthly membership fee. Needless to say, I am obsessed now with audiobooks. My recommendation to YOU is “The Power of Vulnerability” by Brene Brown. (see image) It is incredible and has infiltrated parts of me that I didn’t know were thirsty and exposed. Top five life changing books.

Available on through Amazon

Available on through Amazon

Well that’s that.  Talk soon you beauties.

E x