Well, it’s been a while hasn’t it? I have no excuse other than the lack of creativity haha. There has been this over-emotional bug in my system for the past few weeks and it’s been eating at my desire to believe I have anything interesting to say. I’ve slowly gotten over it. I came to realize that when I may go through stages of ‘being down’ that it isn’t the end of the world. In fact, it’s those testing trials that allow me to understand myself more. And with this chapter of life, I could write a book with how much I’ve learned.
And I wanna share with you what I’ve come to terms with.
I am slowly walking through the journey of accepting my body. It is a tragically beautiful walk, but with my friends by my side I know I am not alone. I understand how powerful it is to be a woman. To have curves, to have hormones, to have breasts, to feel strong, to feel fragile, to cry, to belly laugh and my goodness so much more. I’m slowly teaching myself self-compassion. Which is a weird concept. Aren’t we always the first to criticize and bully ourselves? It’s a safety thing. We bully ourselves the best and then no one can tell us what we don’t already know
^ Speaking on that last sentence, what we think doesn’t always mean its true. Let me give you an example. For those who suffer with body-dysmorphic, you may understand that the body and appearance you do have is different than the one you see in the mirror. You already have a pre conceived image of yourself. It can be anything. I have fat arms. I have flabby love handles. I have a weird shaped face. BUT, the people who love you would never tell you those things…simply because they don’t see it. Burn your microscope. Burn the assumptions. Another example… ‘I texted her and she responded like that which means she's mad at me she has to be because earlier that day I responded to something she said weird and blah blah blah’. STOP. And start deconstructing your thoughts. I wake up in the morning, stretch and look in the mirror. ‘Ugh. I need to go to the gym. I look fat.’ But then I practice the technique. Challenging my thoughts. Deconstructing my thoughts. ‘Well, just because I think I’m fat it doesn’t mean it’s true.’ It sounds silly. But I promise you. The power of speaking with self-compassion to yourself is something that will be strange. We need to become more familiar with that language.
Also, how many of you still micro manage every part of your life? I found myself starting to. Micro-managing everything I said to people, how I said it, and then creating scenarios of ‘what could’ happen. It’s tiresome. Micro managing everything from my calorie intake to how my arms look in a certain top. I asked myself a few days into my funk…why am I giving these insignificant bits so much weight? I didn’t figure out the answer. I kind of realized I didn’t need the answer to come out of the other end stronger. And that’s what I did. I couldn’t help but shake the feeling that everything that I was, wasn’t good enough. I know. I’m preaching to the choir. Everyone is insecure. And isn’t that the root of it all?
Isn't insecurity so present in our lives? Doesn't insecurity sometimes drive us to be better and also drive us away from the important issues at hand? Im starting to force myself to acknowledge the hard truths of my short comings. BUT, splitting the difference. I don't need to micro manage myself. I don't have the control to manage anything outside of my reach. However, I do have the power to control my reaction. I have the power to control my perception of life and how I choose to live out each day to its utmost potential. Same goes for relationships. I have the power to call my friends and meet up with them. Rather than assuming they wouldn't want to hang out with me because I'm 'down'. See what I mean now? Why do we allow ourselves to fill our brain and body with this toxic smoke?
I found simple techniques helpful. But I'm open to how YOU train your heart to be compassionate. What are some ways you've learned to overcome micro-managing your insecurities and began to appreciate yourself?
I know this may seem like a random, off spin and miscellaneous post. But for me these are the main issues that have been circling my brain over the past few weeks. I love you guys. Be kind to yourselves.